blog post in plain d

"All is gone, all is gone, admit it, take flight.
I gagged twice, doubled, tears blinding my sight.
My mind it was mangled, I ran into the night
Leaving all of love's ashes behind me.

The wind knocks my window, the room it is wet.
The words to say I'm sorry, I haven't found yet.
I think of her often and hope whoever she's met
Will be fully aware of how precious she is."

(i wish anyone i've ever loved would feel any of this.)

wedding epiphany #3

i just saw a friend's picture on facebook. it was titled "kenna's wedding" and it was a picture of a girl in a windsor dress dancing with a red bull in her hand.

if you think red bull at a wedding is a good idea, you are too young to be married.

the blameless vestal's lot

watching eternal sunshine of the spotless mind has never been so depressing

"I think if there's a truly seductive quality about Clementine, it's that her personality promises to take you out of the mundane. Amazing, burning meteorite... will carry you to another world where things are exciting. But what you quickly learn is that... it's really an elaborate ruse. So flashy in an obvious sort of way, but still, it seduces you. Where's the real Clementine?"

"No, I don't think her sex is... motivated. I saw it clearly the last night we were together. It wasn't sex. It was just sad. The only way Clem thinks she can get people to like her is to fuck 'em... or at least dangle the possibility of getting fucked in front of 'em. And she's so desperate and insecure that she'll, sooner or later, go around fucking everybody."

"I'm not perfect."
"I can't see anything that I don't like about you. Right now, I can't."
"But you will. But you will. You know, you will think of things, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped because that's what happens with me."

:)

i'm so fucking glad i moved out.

it's like paying 650 a month for happiness insurance.

lumps

when will i stop being on the verge of tears?

not
at work.
driving.
at the bank.
on the
internet.

THEBESTTHEBEST

the best part about this is having all this space on my bookshelf!

the worst part about this is being really hateful and mean to everyone around me because of it.

fuck you

i hate you, too.

spanish harlem incident

"i've got to know babe, will you surround me?
so i can know if i am really real."

that line always catches my ear when i'm casually listening to the song.

rock paper ctrl+x

i got way too personal in my paper journal today. i guess if i can't do it there, where can i? it's weird having a tangible diary, though. it's not my first, but it's weird to know that if i throw it away, it's out there somewhere. i guess i can burn it after i stop having feelings.

speaking of feelings, i've never felt this awful and this great at the same time.